27 Mar 2019
Hello, friends in my computer!
Checking back in to wish you a very happy hilliterate.com month-iversary! In a middle school dating timeline, that means things are getting pretty serious. Your mom might let you and my blog go to a movie together and just drop you off at the theater instead of coming in and sitting a few rows behind you to watch out for any hand-holding.
Alright so I never actually went on a date in middle school, but I had all kinds of time to speculate.
Anyhoo, I’ve been so flattered by and thankful for the love that my friends and family have given the new blog! I am and might always be bad at taking compliments and my instinct when someone says they like the site is to be like “urgh uh what is a hilliterate I didn’t even write that I don’t know what ur talking about!!1!” but please know that no matter how utterly ridiculous I sound on the outside, I am very grateful on the inside and take all the nice things people say and stuff them in my mental pockets to pull out on bad days.
On that note, there have not been many bad days this past month, for which I feel incredibly lucky. As I’ve alluded to (or outright sad-story-dumped) in past posts on my personal blog, the past couple of years have been pretty difficult. While saying this gives me the urge to run to a forest and knock on all of the pieces of wood that I can find, I finally feel like I’m in a better place with my mental health than I’ve been in quite a while. Kind of bizarre, seeing as my future plans are still best summed up by the shrug emoji, but who am I to question a good thing?
You are yourself, pipes up a voice in the peanut gallery. Your entire brand is questioning all things good and bad, you manic overthinker!
Ah yes, but that was February-and-Earlier Kaitlyn. March Kaitlyn is so much more chill. She drinks at least two cups of tea per day and does most of her work from her bed or recliner. When negative thoughts start to creep in, she turns on an audiobook to tune them out. It’s very healthy and not at all going to catch up with her before long and cause a spontaneous breakdown.
But seriously, I’ve felt pretty good and have been working on things I enjoy; I have to assume the former is directly correlated to the latter. It would be nice to start making a sustainable living at some point soon (say, before September 17 when I turn 26 and am kicked off of my parents’ health insurance), but I feel like I’m making strides toward that. It could be foolish optimism but for now, I can be a Daisy-Buchanan-style “beautiful little fool,” but like, hopefully with better life choices. Any excuse for a deep cut from classic literature/the million Instagram captions sparked by the Leo DiCaprio movie remake.
As the foolish optimism train keeps chugging, I have also bravely gone where no Kaitlyn Hill has gone before by finally letting a select few read my young adult novel manuscript…! And opening myself up to feedback/having my heart ripped out and handed to me if they hate it! And continuing to revise it on my own and spending about 70% of the time fairly happy with it, the other 30% thinking I am a delusional failure who will never see my work published! The sensitive writer life is so fun!!!!!
The writing part actually is fun, usually. But it’s very scary to have people — even some of my most loved and trusted people in the world — reading this thing I’ve worked so hard on and placed so much hope in. I am anxious to get more input and see what I can shape it into to make my work better.
And in other positive developments this month… I am a basketball goddess. No one knows more about basketball than I do. Basketball is my passion.
Yes, I am the ignorant goofball sitting at number 1 in my bracket pool.
I’ve really been cracking up at this, seeing as my choices didn’t have much rhyme or reason to them. Or I didn’t think they did, anyway, but perhaps the spirits of March — the ones I’ve invented in my head just now and named Madness, Sadness, Badness, and Radness — were moving through me, guiding my fingers as they smashed down buttons with all the finesse of a game of whack-a-mole. They didn’t get all the picks right, obviously, and I don’t expect to win the whole thing, but it’s enough to give me this temporary smugness and ability to taunt some of the men in my life like I’m a playground bully.
And with that delightful image, I should sign off for today. I do want to add that you can now subscribe to my posts via email! The sign-up should appear on the left side of this post on a computer or at the top of the screen on mobile. The positions might change as my Lil Programmer Boo is not totally happy with the look right now, but I believe in my readers’ ability to find them. If you put your email address in, I promise not to spam you with cute pictures of my chihuahua any more than I already do on social media. Really, you’ll just get notified by email when I have a new post in case you miss one on the ‘gram or ‘book or the person using super hip social networking lingo fails to post about it in either place. I’ve also considered maybe doing some kind of ~bonus content~ for email subscribers, but I don’t really know what that would be yet. If you have any ideas, holla at me.
Thank you, as ever, for reading and being such beautiful humans — yes, I mean you.